#MondayInsight:

I was in a storytelling training with a mentor a number of years ago, and in the middle of coaching me, he just stopped, looked me deep in the eyes, and said…

“You’ve got a lot of pain in you—that’s a good thing.”

What he meant was that because I know the hurt that I know, there are places I can go inside myself while telling stories that allow me to bring the audience on a ride—to the depths and the heights—because I know them within myself.

Last week, I saw the singer Amos Lee, and WOW—what a voice and what a heart! It was one of the most emotionally moving and inspiring concerts I’ve been to in a long time (and I see a lot of shows)!

I don’t know much about his life story, but I know he was raised by a single mom and does a lot of charity work for children’s cancer organizations.

I share that because I can tell he knows some deep pain. He also knows incredible love, and his love for people is palpable. It comes out in his songwriting and singing…

Which is why he was able to take a whole audience on a beautiful ride through the stories he told in his songs.

So what does this have to do with you?

Like all great artists, great leaders make us feel something.

So often in the world of marketing, we get lured into proving ourselves, displaying a kind of “I’ve got it all together” perfection—the expert with the answers.

But if you do transformational work, or if transformation is woven into your work, that style of marketing isn’t going to work for you.

If your truest work takes people into and through the depths, your best clients will always come to you yearning for access to that transformational journey—whether they can verbalize that desire or not.

This is true regardless of the space you’re in, and regardless of how “advanced” you think your audience is. In fact, the more accomplished the client, the more frequently I see them asking for profound growth and transformation. They’re just looking for someone who has the mastery to take them there.

When your prospects encounter you, there’s an unspoken question that will always be in their hearts…

Can this person bring me where I need to go?

That’s something they have to FEEL in you.

Now, of course, you can and should name the identifiable challenges your people commonly have and share the big outcome they can expect from working with you. And heck, if you have bragging rights from testimonials of lives transformed, share them! Let people see what’s possible—it’s essential to having a thriving business.

But you can do that without displaying yourself as some form of “perfected being.”

In fact, you’ll be far more successful if you position yourself well, share your big promise, and do it while also letting people feel your humanity.

Your pain, as much as your vision, is the connective tissue that bonds you with your people, so let people in! Let them see it and feel it in you.

Tell the stories that say, “I’ve spent time in the terrain you’re in or entering. I know it’s not always easy or pretty, and I get the reluctance to take the journey—and you know what? I also know what’s possible as you move through the valley and back up to the next mountain top. I can see who you are, I know the strength for the journey is in you, and I’ve got a stake in the ground for the version of you that’s longing to emerge!”

The LEADER accesses their humanity and shares it openly, creating a rich and compelling tapestry. The EXPERT, which many of us are taught to be, often closes off from their humanity to prove their success.

You might think, “Yeah, but I don’t do that.”

I like to think that about myself, too.

But every time I’m working on something, and I catch myself trying to “get it right,” that’s what I’m doing. The search for perfection closes off our humanity, even when it seems subtle.

So the next time you touch some pain inside of yourself, I want to invite you to adopt this message I heard from my mentor…

“I’ve got pain in me—that’s a good thing.”

It’s what opens up my humanity and allows me to serve people more deeply, love them more fully, and offer radical transformation in the process!

P.S. As another mentor said to me years ago, “Never tell a story while you’re still bleeding from it.” So in this post, I’m talking about pain you’ve largely metabolized—not unhealed trauma.