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The Sacred NO
How do we, as those Lone Wolves, direct our energy and work into the WE without being swallowed up by it? Find and honor that sacred “NO” that allows us to collaborate with WE in a powerful way, without surrendering ourselves to it.
I’ve been noticing a big shift from the ME to the WE – both in myself and energetically in the field.
It makes sense because our problems are so global and so intractable when it comes to the “I,” they’re problems that only the “we” can address.
And yet, there is this delicious dilemma…
If you’re like me and other leaders in my tribe, you have a big calling for collective change, which relies on this shift from “me” to “we”…
And yet, you’re probably a bit of a lone wolf. You like people and people like you, but truth be told, you don’t let folks in so easily.
In other words, you and I don’t do “we” very well.
In fact, “we” is more of an idea or concept than a lived experience we know in our bodies.
Here’s how this occurs…
Leaders who are driven to focus on paradigm change usually grew up in paradigms that weren’t particularly hospitable to them. It’s what drives you to help create change!
Whatever situation you grew up in, you needed to find a way out. And the best way you knew to find a way out without needing to rely on anybody else was to develop a high level of competency and great mastery in your craft.
That was the best hope for being in demand in the world, ensuring you’re needed, even if you’re not wanted… and finding places where you’re valued, even if you don’t feel you belong.
Now you know it’s time to rely on people and collaborate in ways you haven’t before. It’s time to move into the “we.”
Now, that may sound well and good…
But, at least for myself, when I really tune in there is this terror. If I really move into the ‘we’ will I lose the ‘I’? Will I be swallowed up by it and disappear?
In other words, your mind may get the ‘we’ idea conceptually, but in your body, you may discover a big “NO!”
I get it.
So how do you more SAFELY start allowing people in, so you can move into that ‘we’ space?
It’s about strengthening your boundaries.
Here’s how – welcome your NO, because until you have a true NO you can never have a true YES.
Step 1. Welcome your no. Don’t try to change it or convince it of anything. Just breathe into it and acknowledge it.
Acknowledge how hard you’ve worked to get to where you are. To be who you’ve become. To have the safety and success you’ve built around you.
Step 2: Get more specific about your no. Move from an old, unconscious NO from old wounding into a contemporary NO that serves you now.
Who or what, specifically, do you need to say NO to now, in order to have a stronger YES to go where you’re called to go next?
This includes family members, friends, clients you let hire you, and people you work with, as well as the types of conversations you engage in, news you take in, and more.
Find these loose, fuzzy NOs and tepid YESs where your boundaries are rooted in old crap and it’s time to shore things up.
Without those NOs being firmly in place, you won’t feel safe moving into your big calling and saying the big YES.
What would you need to say no more to? And who would you need to say “no” or “no more” to know that the people you let in are honorable, trustworthy, and will be there to support you?
Step 3: Honor where you’re at. Even as a powerful person and powerful leader, you may find places where you’re not yet willing to say NO, even though you know you need to.
But even in those places, name what you’re unwilling to say no to, feel the fear of placing that boundary, and breathe into that fear.
What you’ll discover is that you’ll enter a new story for your own life – a story that includes collaboration, connection, and community.
And that’ll be the foundation for you helping to activate a new story for humanity.