Activation Tuesdays

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Serving Those You’ve Felt Most Victimized By


I was on a call this week with a client who was gaining traction and success working with an audience he never expected to be in front of… Men he calls “Good ‘ol boys.”

For years, these men represented the kind of person his father was—angry, mean, and abusive. The kind of man he vowed never to become. For most of his life, he’d written them off as a$$holes he didn’t want to be near.

But over the past few years, more and more of them have shown up in his world, asking for support. Initially seeking business advice, they eventually reveal the hurt and pain driving them—hurt and pain they were longing to heal.

It turns out, he’s exceptionally good at working with them. He understands them, has come to appreciate them, and is doing amazing work with them. 

In helping them, he’s also experienced profound healing. The wounded projection he had on these kinds of men has fallen away. Although the relationship with his father didn’t change before his dad passed away, he has a newfound capacity to hold his dad in his heart with love.

Years ago, my guidance gave me this message: “Jeffrey, when you serve people like those you’ve felt most victimized by, you complete your cycle of victimization.” 

In other words, when you aren’t reacting to ‘those people,’ there’s no one out there to ‘get you’ that you have to defend yourself against. 

There’s a key distinction to keep in mind between the people you grew up with and those you can serve now: The people in your childhood weren’t asking to transform and didn’t want to… But the people you’re called to serve today actually want to change and are ready for support from someone who truly ‘gets’ them.

If you find an audience showing up in your field you never expected—one that resembles those that wounded you in your childhood—there’s a good chance you’re on the return journey home in your hero’s journey. 

This is the part of the journey where you bring your gifts back to your tribe, including those akin to the people who you felt hurt or ousted by.

One thing to keep in mind is that this can trigger deep-seated fears and discomfort. So you’re experiencing resistance, both mentally and physically, it’s crucial to create a safe environment for yourself. Here are three essential steps to ensure you’re serving the right people:

  1. Get Clear About Who Your People Are (and aren’t!): Define the criteria that would make a prospect ready to fully engage in the work you do.
  2. Develop a Rigorous Screening Process: Ensure that prospects meet your criteria, honoring your standards and boundaries.
  3. Use Your Screening Process Consistently: Maintain integrity with yourself by turning away those who aren’t a good fit.

By doing this, you might just find yourself making an indelible impact on those who need your unique gifts the most—perhaps people you least expected. 

Your past wounds don’t define your future; they shape your path to becoming a beacon of healing and transformation for others. Your transformation becomes their transformation, and together, you can create profound change in the world.


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